As parents, we often focus on the physical health and wellbeing of our families, but mental health is just as important. This International Fathers’ Mental Health Day on 22nd June, we're delighted to share this guest blog with DadPad to share why dads’ mental health matters, particularly during the early days, weeks and months of parenthood. Their expert insights highlight the vital role fathers play within the family and why supporting dads benefits everyone. 


Dad’s unique role as a parent

One of the first - and fairly traditional - expectations of dads is that they are there to support mum, who is generally seen as the primary caregiver. This reflects historic gender and cultural expectations and assumptions: that dad is the breadwinner/provider, and mum is the ‘parent’.

We know, though, that the modern dad actually has a far more complex and involved role; he’s more often than not hands-on and involved, both as a parent to his baby and a co-parent with his partner.

Evolutionary anthropologist Dr Anna Machin tells us that ‘investing dads’ (i.e. dads that stick around and give time to their families – as opposed to fathers who simply impregnate a female and leave her to sort the rest out for herself) are a rare thing in nature and – as evolution hates redundancy – there must be a reason for this to have happened in humans.

She’s found that dads bond differently with their children than mums. The attachment role of mum is primarily to nurture, and dad has the same role, but with an added extra: to challenge. Dr Machin explains that: “his role is to teach the skills – behavioural, linguistic, cognitive – that will enable the child to deal with life’s challenges, assess its risks, and leap over those hurdles; to deal with failure, but also success.”


Dad’s role in looking out for mum’s mental health

A key role that any partner will play to a mum who’s recently given birth is being the ‘eyes and ears’ on a daily basis, looking out for any changes in her behaviour which might suggest the need for further support.

These changes might include: having difficulty bonding with her baby; feeling sad or depressed; constantly feeling exhausted; feeling unsupported or afraid; and/or behaving in a totally out-of-character way, such as being excitable, confused or increasingly anxious.

If dad notices any of the above, he should speak to the Midwife, Health Visitor or GP supporting his family as soon as possible. Because of the difficulties many people experience in sharing their worries when feeling anxious or upset, dad should also be aware that mum might need his support to access help and explain how she is feeling.

Being able to support mum to seek help in this way will not only have a positive impact on mum, but also on their baby, any other children, and the whole family.

In addition to helping mum get the help that she might need if she experiences mental health difficulties, dad’s support and involvement here will potentially also have other positive impacts on his baby. For example, Lorraine Khan – a clinical, educational and health psychologist – has noted that dads will often make “compensatory adjustments to mitigate any impact on maternal mental illness on child mental health and development … [and so his own positive involvement therefore acts as a] protective factor for children’s mental health.”


The impact of dad’s mental ill health

Because we now know that dads have such an important role to play in the life of their family, it is essential that things which could impact his ability to bond and be positively involved in his children’s lives – such as his own mental health – are monitored and supported.

It’s well-established now that around 10% of all dads will experience depression during the perinatal period (i.e. from pregnancy to around 1-2 years post-birth), with up to 18% experiencing anxiety, and this can have an effect on the whole family.

A shocking 62% of dads, surveyed by Fathers Network Scotland in 2019, believed that their own mental health difficulties had got in the way of forging a good connection with their children. Further, research from 2017 found that paternal postnatal depression can negatively impact on infant and child development.

2006 research discovered that depressed dads were less likely to read with, sing songs and tell stories to their babies than other fathers, and that – when both parents are depressed – they are unlikely to be following good-health guidelines with their babies, such as putting baby on their back to sleep, breastfeeding, not putting baby to bed with a bottle, etc.

In short, there is a lot of research demonstrating that having a parent – dad or mum – who has experienced depression during a person’s childhood has the potential to have a negative impact on that individual both now and in later life.

What can we do?

What this all means, then, is that maintaining the good mental health of mums and dads is crucial for their children’s psychological wellbeing.

Becoming aware…

One of the first things that we need to do to help overcome the risk of negative impact is to raise awareness that dads can experience perinatal mental ill health to probably the same extent as mums can and do.

A widely-held view is that postnatal depression (PND) is based solely on hormonal changes and that – as only mums experience a hormone change in pregnancy and post-birth – men can’t get PND. However, that perception is wrong on both counts.

Firstly, perinatal hormonal changes affect dads as well as mum, with men usually experiencing a drop in testosterone and a rise in oestrogen (although more nuanced) around the time of birth – and the evolutionary reason for this is quite logical: it helps men become a more sensitive dad, better able to meet their baby’s every need.

Further, it’s now recognised that PND is not simply caused by hormonal fluctuations – situational changes also have an impact. These can include things like the pressures many of us feel upon becoming parents, having support nearby (or not), lack of sleep, changes in working hours or family income, coping skills, and our own experiences of childhood. As these factors are just as likely to occur in men as women, it’s perfectly clear why PND is not a gender-specific condition.

Spotting the signs…

Whilst many of us could probably hazard a good guess at what depression usually looks like (things like low mood, poor sleep, poor concentration, changes in appetite, poor motivation, etc), men might experience PND in other ways. This might include feeling especially angry or more easily irritated, finding reasons not to be at home/avoiding family responsibilities, drinking or smoking more, or wanting to exercise more.

Reaching out for help…

If you think that your mental health might be suffering during the perinatal period, the most important thing you can do is to do something about it.

Keep talking to your partner about how you’re feeling – and encourage her to do the same with you. This is always going to be a really testing period of your relationship, and being able to speak openly with someone about your worries is one of the first steps in reducing the risk of your mental health deteriorating further.

If you don’t feel able or comfortable in speaking with your partner – maybe you’re mindful of adding to her existing stresses or difficulties – then try and find someone, such as a good friend or close family member.

Another important option is to speak with one of the health professionals around you – such as your GP, or your family’s Health Visitor or Midwife, all of whom are available to support your mental health as well as mum’s.

You might feel more comfortable in seeking out a local peer support group or even an online support group.


The important thing, though, is to do something, because – as your baby’s dad – you are important. Remember: your baby needs a dad who will play with her, read with her and interact with her. A dad who is depressed is less likely to want to do this. Staying positive and emotionally well will help you influence your child’s future for the better, and give them the best start in life. Don’t be ashamed if you’re struggling – please seek help, because YOU matter!


Potential sources of support:

DadPad:

  • If you’re in an area of the country covered by the FREE DadPad app (you can check here), you can access lots of relevant information as well as signposting to local and national support groups and charities.
  • The blog section of our website also provides access to lots of FREE articles covering all aspects of new fatherhood and being a dad, including mental health.

PANDAS UK

Samaritans

  • FREE helpline: 116 123 – available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. Samaritan’s volunteers will listen to you, with no judgement or pressure, to help you work through what’s on your mind.

Andy’s Man Club operates across the UK and online, offering free-to-attend peer support groups, with the aim of ending the stigma surrounding men’s mental health and helping men through the power of conversation.  Visit their website to find information on what they do, when they meet and how to find your nearest group.

Dad Matters provide peer support for dads via resources, online and (in certain areas of the country) face-to-face support. Visit their website and Facebook page for more information.

Mind’s website include a list of mental health crisis helplines and listening services, which you may find useful, as well as a fathers’ and partners’ perinatal mental health page.

NCT have a perinatal depression in parents webpage.


A huge thank you to DadPad for sharing this important insight into dads’ mental health. At Mini First Aid, we know that looking after a family starts with looking after yourself too. Whether you're a mum, dad, partner or caregiver, remember that support is available and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Together, we can help ensure every parent feels informed, supported and empowered during the journey into parenthood. 

Sign up to an award-winning Baby & Child First Aid class – find a class near you: https://www.minifirstaid.co.uk/classes/classes-for-parents-carers

Follow us on social for more family health topics, information, advice and tips: Facebook | Instagram  Or if you haven't already, subscribe to our newsletter.